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In the Beginning

by Cody Robinson

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1.
2.
Lose Control 05:09
In the dark where the cool people play, light a spark and they all run away. Are you known to lose control? Friday nights, it's alive with the scene. There you go off again. Will you please keep in mind--don't lose control. To start learning is hard to begin when you have lost your way. It's high time that we upstart again and jump into a dive. Close your mind, take my hand, don't let go. Don't stop turning. Gimme a chance. What you hold is made of glass. I keep holding on for something true. Hoping that what I need is out there. If misery loves company then don't you ever leave. Cause when they all start talking to me I lose control. Here I am, find a friend, tell 'em hi. It's from me, but they'll know, and besides will you try--don't lose your soul. On we go once again. On the road, round a bend, I can tell you the distance is way too far. The last time that I felt this way the cold felt so alive. One more time, stay prepared--you'll be fine. Can you see? The sky is falling. Can you hear? I'm still breathing. Do you feel the thunder shaking? Did you know I stand quaking? Can you see? Can you hear? Do you feel? Did you know? Will you fight for us both when the night takes ahold? Are we here? Are you there? Are you out in the cold? Come inside. Come on dear. Can I please let you know? To start learning is hard to begin when you have lost your way. It's high time that we upstart again and jump into a dive. Close your mind, take my hand, don't let go.
3.
You never seem to manage well. You're acting like you're crazy -- is she sane? I just can't tell. And I feel like such a fool. Am I asking too much, or are you just a klutz? And oh, is it just me or could it be that oh, her brain is made of stone? I get so tired of hounding on her but I leave her alone and she just can't help it. And oh, this is how it goes: Well I do believe that she's my girlfriend, but most of the time she feels more like a weight on my neck, a pull on my shoulders -- if she up and left, things just might be fine. And you make me feel these things inside. Sometimes I'm crazy too, but sometimes I'd rather die. And I hate you all the time. I love you to death but it's your death over mine. And oh, is it just me or could it be that oh, I just want this to end? I just want this to end. I just want this to end. If you go now, I'll feel pain. But if you stay around, it'll be the same. What am I to do with you? It feels so hopeless. Whatever I do is sure to be a mistake. And oh, is it just me or could it be that oh, I just want you to leave? I just want you to leave. I just want you to leave. I get so tired of hounding on her but I leave her alone and she just can't help it. And oh, I just want you to leave!
4.
Release 03:39
The way was through our sound coming out in song. Though what we had was clear sometimes the right can turn to wrong. What I feel inside is nothing insincere. Try to find a source where I can cure my mind. But nowhere I can find it is anywhere I see. The high that so surrounds my incapacity. So here we go again -- another chord untold. Come and enjoy the sound. Don't let your heart grow cold. The cloud cover is blinding and haunting my soul. Though we both know I'm trying to keep it all together. The fragile pieces fragment, shattered and ignored. But broken pictures can mend. Well here we are and we'll sing it loud. But nowhere I can find it is anywhere I see: the high that so surrounds my incapacity. A cause without an effect. An end beyond my means. As time goes on it worsens. Go sing your songs release.
5.
Divide 04:36
One more long day, it's time to go. It's back again and out the door. What to expect or what I'll find -- will you have gone away this time? Will you run as I come home? I'm feelin' as though things should've been this way before. All the quips that we care to call but all to no avail. We're at the brink of it all, watch you kill what is left as we fall. I'm hoping that you will finally find somebody else. But what'll I do? What'll I do? So I'll confess, I cannot lie: what I expect is we'll divide. You're outta sight, you're outta town, but I won't cry if I'm let down. Before I'm there and we're undone, can I repair what's said and done? Is it too late? Am I too soon? Just thinkin' of what's up with you. We've fallen apart and we're undone -- could not repair what's said and done. I was too late but not too soon. I should have known what's up with you. You've left me now but things are fine, or are they not? Oh I can't tell. I'm feeling up -- I don't know why -- when all I want and all I need is by my side here with me.
6.
Still 07:04
Caught. I am finally caught in between. Wrong. I was wrong from the start. So it seemed. Time. Time will fix all your dreams if you ask it to stay. All you need is right here. Don't you go. I can feel you're in need of someone to hold on to. I am here if you need someone to hold on to. Oh I am asking you, stay. Please. When you leave it's too late. Oh, I would reach up and still touch the sky. Oh, if for you I would put out a line. Oh, good things always are hard to come by. Oh, just to live you can put up a fight. Found. I am finally found in the dark. Far in the back, from the crowd. Light is hard to find. When you need something, you can't find something. But she looks for him and he looks for her. Though they search -- nothing. Read a book -- nothing. Heal a hurt within. He's a her within. Oh this confusing collateral blind. It encircles, entangles my mind. Come find me. Come home. Don't give in my son. Come what may, slow, stay. Prodigal son -- mine still. Day to day, think, say. What you feel is real. Days turn to years. I still recall. I still will call. Days turn to years and you're not home.
7.
When you're looking out and you don't see me. All these empty thoughts, they won't go. They keep repeating. Am I harrowing? Am I too ugly? Can you take me? I will let you down. You are better off alone. I thought I was safe from harm. Soon you learn to deal with crazy thoughts. As the days pass on by I have learned to survive and keep myself apart. On you go with your love cuz you don't and I know -- you have proven my point. Still it burns and it hurts to think that -- who I am and what I have become. Do I feel anymore? Is there reason at all? On the road again going nowhere. It's a metaphor. Gonna hide away. Gonna find a place where I can rest my head and just let go. I think to myself... I think too much. I might die alone. I need a crutch. A look out the door. With it comes the snow at dusk. They tell me they're hopeful but I'm already there. The truth is I'm tired and the truth is I'm scared. So I look for the question and I hope for the truth. Every day I get closer. Every day I need you. I want help from you badly. Call the doctor too. Watch me go like a sunset. What is lost is the moon.
8.
Ghost of You 05:09
I was sitting by your side in the hospital seat when his big black shoes came up to me and I saw that look in your eyes. I was lost for words. I was halfway stirred. You were on my mind. You were slipping time, on my way in between what you think and what I'm feeling. But still I can hear your voice ringing in my head. And I won't give up now -- not for anything. I was halfway gone. You were living song, getting worse, even worse, such a curse dying every day in every way. In a poet's verse, in a dead man's hearse, I will sing your song, I will write it down -- every word, every note, every sound as long as I live. But still I can hear your voice ringing in my head. And I won't give up now -- not for anything, oh no I won't. This sickness has taken your mind. You're lost to me now and yet I can't give up, can't give in -- don't know how. My love for you lives while the rest of you dies. This contrasting is sick and it's poisoned my mind. In a room down the hall where your spirit has gone, there you lie all alone in a colorless world. Though I'm by your side, you feel nothing at all. And as time still moves on no improvement is shown. And the song that I wrote was one you'll never know: you're beautiful smile combined with a colorful tone. But still I can hear your voice pounding in my head, repeating with a force every word you said to me. How can this be fair, what is happening here? What has happened to you and this hell you've been through? I swear just one more day and alright and ok. I'll be here for you please don't die on me now. And while I know that you can't stay, the sweetest thoughts in me remain: a ghost of you in my heart. And when I dream of you at night and reflect on the best of times -- just a touch and you're gone. This sickness has taken your mind, you're lost to me now. And yet I can't give up can't give in -- don't know how. My love for you lives while the rest of you dies. This contrasting is sick and it's poisoned my mind. How can this be fair, what is happening here? What has happened to you and this hell you've been through? I swear just one more day and alright and ok. I'll be here for you please don't die on me now.

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released August 10, 2014

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Cody Robinson Salt Lake City, Utah

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